yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
