is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
