so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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