You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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