i wish my penis had a tongue
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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