That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
