in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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