Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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