I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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