I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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