I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
