I just saw a hot homeless man
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I will die if light touches me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
