Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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