Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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