Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
