"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
