Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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