I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
