Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
