Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
