I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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