should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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