i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
