I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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