I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
