i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
