pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
