there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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