i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
