i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
