What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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