I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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