apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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