I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
