Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
