Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
