remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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