So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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