Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
