yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
