Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
