We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
