I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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