I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
