You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
