I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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