I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
