i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The uberlube is also flammable
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
