I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
