she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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