We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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